So I didn’t exactly have great sex in Stellenbosch, my friend did, and good for him. We’ve already had that chat over brunch so I won’t get into detail about his sex life. Instead, I want to talk about the broader world of online dating, especially the infamous apps that have become a new ‘thing’ in the dating game, at least within my circles in Cape Town.
As a single guy in my 20s, focused on self-development and chasing goals, I do crave a bit of fun sometimes, a little wine here and there. I’m shy of a year in a new city full of gorgeous people, yet I still haven’t fully embraced the online dating scene.
I like old school dating; where you lock eyes across a room full of people, walk up to someone, and ask for their number. You know, meeting friends of friends and connecting in person just feels more authentic to me; there’s an energy to it that online apps can’t replicate. I enjoy the process of courting and being courted. And besides, my Grindr experience back in uni was terrible to even look back,but story for another day.
The truth is, I’ve heard stories from friends—some found love, others had their confidence shattered. A good friend of mine met her spouse on Tinder, and they’ve built a beautiful life and family together. Another friend, someone who never thought they’d find love, let alone online, is now in a happy relationship thanks to a chance swipe. On the flip side, there’s some who have come out of these digital interactions with bruised egos and a shaken sense of self-worth, especially after bad experiences on Grindr. And yes, the friend who had a great time in Stellenbosch? That was courtesy of Grindr too. So, these apps are a double-edged sword.
Should we write them off completely?
Look, I don’t know where I stand. And based on my past experiences and what I’ve heard from friends, online dating can be a mixed bag. People lie about their age and height, and when you finally meet up, they don’t look anything like those dreamy profile pictures—some even catfish. Conversations can be shallow, with little effort for mentally stimulating connections. Many aren’t looking for anything serious; they just wanna get down and dirty. Ghosting, unmatching—it’s all part of the package and I feel like psychiatry is expensive for me to take that risk, LOL.
This kind of suss behavior can easily trigger an inner spiral of doubt, making you wonder if you’ll ever find love—at least online. You might even start questioning yourself, especially when you’ve been going on many dates and hearing about others’ successful date stories, and yet your own luck seems to run dry.
So here’s the not so good truth…
The reality is, the sea of people who aren’t authentic, thoughtful, considerate, or truthful isn’t going anywhere. But here’s the fabulous truth: Neither are you. And those lame-os don’t have to be your problem anymore!
Follow these steps to make online dating a more enjoyable process, because the truth is, it really can be. Online dating is a common way for people to find love today—literally at their fingertips. So why not you?
And because I don’t entirely trust my own advice on this (a first), I’ve done thorough research and consulted some friends who’ve had much better experiences in the online dating world. Let’s dive in:
Be Clear About Your Intentions
Before you even download an app, be clear about what you’re looking for—whether it’s casual fun, a relationship, or just meeting new people. Knowing your intentions from the start will guide your choices and make it easier to find someone compatible. Being upfront about what you want and your expectations sets the stage for a more honest and meaningful connection.
Prepare for Ups and Downs
Rejection and ghosting are common in the online dating world, especially on platforms like Grindr, where double standards often prevail. Many users are more focused on hookups than relationships, leading to confusion and frustration. It’s easy to take these experiences to heart, but remember that everyone is navigating their own journey. Don’t let these negative encounters define your self-worth. If an app feels unhealthy or its users seem unsure of what they want, it might be time to step away and seek healthier connections elsewhere.
Choose the Right App
Different apps cater to different audiences. Tinder has a broad user base, while Bumble offers a more female-centric approach. Grindr is more niche, specifically for the LGBTQ+ community. Do your research to find the platform that aligns with your goals. Remember, not every app is for everyone, and sometimes the best connections are made in real life, not online.
Create an Amazing Profile, Duh
Many people tend to unconsciously dim their shine on their profiles. They choose photos where you can barely see their face and avoid confidently stating the qualities they’re looking for in a relationship. Often, they stick to generic prompts that don’t capture the vibrancy of their personalities. In Mzansi—home to diverse cultures and vibrant personalities—show who you are to attract your ideal person. Write your profile for them, not for those who might judge or dismiss you. Be proud and unapologetically yourself. And when dating, especially in Cape Town, be open to meeting people from different backgrounds. Experience the city through their perspectives, but always prioritize safety.
Focus on Who You Want to Attract
Know your limits and stick to them. Whether it’s about how much time you spend on the app, how soon you’re willing to meet someone in person, or what you’re comfortable sharing, setting boundaries is crucial for maintaining your mental health. When you decide to meet someone in person, prioritize safety. Meet in public places, let a friend know where you’ll be, and trust your instincts. If something feels off, don’t hesitate to leave.
Don’t Take It Personally
Rejection and ghosting are part of the online dating experience. It’s easy to let it get to you, but remember that everyone is on their own journey. Don’t let a bad experience define your self-worth. Stay true to yourself, set boundaries, and keep moving forward. The right connection is out there.
