Save the perfectly shaken martini for your next fancy dinner—the salty, Dirty Martini with garlic olives is the three-ingredient twist you can make at home without any fuss. It’s delicious and is sure to take you out… beautifully too.

I was recently jolted by my Snapchat memories from 2019 at the bar at Marble where I may have invented Brat summer way ahead of Charlie XCX, but that’s not the chat. I just wanted a martini. I’ve always appreciated the cocktail and I believe I may have unlocked an easy, edgy and fun twist that tastes exactly like your classic martini if not better. Quick tip— vodka martinis over gin, everytime. Just my take!

On the last day of August in Cape Town, the early morning sun was stunning, but the air was a bit unpleasant—a mix of muggy and breezy, like someone was holding a hairdryer switched on HOT just inches from your face. Think Paarl on, well, any other day. After a quick dip that did nothing to cool me down, I plopped down to Checkers Liquor on Kloof with one mission: a vodka martini, ready to take the edge off after a long week of work that hasn’t paid—the best if you ask me.

I can’t quite say why I opted for a Russian Bear dirty martini on such a warm Saturday afternoon—maybe it was a throwback to 2017, when we’d get hammered on Russian Bear at a friend’s Killarney apartment and nothing else mattered. Whatever the reason, it just felt right, and I knew I’d passed the vibe check when the cashier gave me a nod of approval after I specifically requested a nip of Russian Bear, casually setting down a large bottle of classic Martini vermouth on the counter—always classic.

Some of history’s most important inventions were accidental: the vuvuzela, the microwave oven, the heart transplant. And on this humid day, as I gazed across Lion’s Head with the sun dipping into the horizon, I crafted what would become my signature drink. Anyone who knows me knows I’ve always appreciated a good martini.

But after years of tinkering and experimenting, I believe I have found this drink’s perfect form. Allow me to humbly introduce you to what I call the Lazy Dyan’s At-Home Martini. She’s not shy of a drink, and certainly does not celebrate subtlety, at least not at first. On the first sip, the exact moment you want your drink to be at its most powerful, there is a lasting salt-tinged note, enhanced by the bracing hit of dense, frigid vodka. And the aroma, divine, savoury from the garlic-pressed olives and notes of oil.

The Lazy Dyan’s At-Home Martini is bracingly salty, while appropriately alcoholic. It is too assertive to pair with a meal and not something to be enjoyed in volume. Maybe sip and savour, nursing one over the course of about 45 to an hour—but it’s up to you really, I don’t mean to tell you how to take your alcohol, although it is a slow poison.

I guess this does qualify as a martini, since the martini, a drink invented by a vermouth company, usually includes some amount of vermouth and very often olives. And because I like taking things to the extreme, I thought why not use garlic filled olives, with a little rinse of course to take away the garlic oil but not too much that you lose the taste, and your drink? YUM.

There’s an occasion for a martini that’s been shaken-not-stirred then deftly strained into a long-stemmed cocktail glass, but I feel a refined drink like that belongs in a fine dining setting or a Bond movie, not on my outdoor couch on a Saturday afternoon. For me, this drink is all about comfort. Because at the end of most days, when the lights are low and the house goes quiet and the chance to unwind presents itself, this right here is a good escape.

The Lazy Dyan’s Martini

Vodka (kept in the freezer)

Vermouth
Garlic stuffed olives
Ice cubes
An Old Fashioned glass or whisky tumbler

1. We start with the vodka. The brand you use should not make much difference, since vodka is flavorless. I love a good bargain so I went with a Russian Bear. It’s affordable and has a suitably rich texture, (also, we’re not babysitting, we’re getting drunk and it is delicious.) What is most important in this case is that you keep your vodka in the freezer. When you’re ready to mix your drink, pull out the bottle and give it a shake or two.

2. I can get a little jolly and clumsy when drunk and honestly, it’s okay. For the glass, I opted for a thin old fashioned tumbler. It’s not your classic martini glass, I know, one of those sexy fragile upside-down cones— gee even Marble stopped serving in those cause it’s just not conducive for getting lit. 

3. Put a handsome amount of ice cubes in a mug (or a cocktail mixer if you have one). This is where you will prepare the drink before straining it into your tumbler to serve. Make it fun and an experience, drink with flare abeg. 

4. Pour in 3 tots of vodka— ‘isciko’ if you may. Or, you know, as much as you want.

5. About the same amount if not a bit of vermouth and whisk in the mug, again if you have a cocktail mixer, do the magic. Let it sit in ice for 30 seconds or so before straining in your tumbler.

6. Now, the secret weapon: garlic stuffed olives. These are available at most supermarkets although not an obvious choice. You can use plain olives, I suppose, but these make this drink singular.

7. Also, let’s talk for another second about the garlic olives. Yes, they are stuffed in garlic and are oily, even looking fatty after refrigerating, but they don’t taste distinctly garlicy, especially in this application. In this drink, these garlic olives bring a lot of umami to the party, as well as in some unspoken way connecting me back to that 2017 unplanned day drinking party in my friend Pontsho’s Killarney apartment where nothing else mattered.

8. I don’t recommend the olive brine, so then maybe not so dirty a martini? Plop in three olives. Four if it’s the weekend. Drink!

And as I always say, if there’s ever anything to look forward to, it’s definitely the olives in your martini. Enjoy!